Self Alteration
by AaronSec
Summary: At the moment of injury it isn't always the injury itself that poses the most pain, it is in fact the recovery process. It may be long and painful, ugly and unpleasant but in the end all that's left could be a slight pang, maybe even a scar. And yet there is no doubt, you live. One-shot. (Sorry, not the greatest at summaries.)


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters from Naruto.**

 _A/N: This is meant to be a FanFiction where you can pair Sakura with whomever you'd like since I didn't specify who her partner was._

 **Sakura's POV**

I remember the day it happened. Or maybe more accurate to say the moment I start noticing, was there even a beginning?

At first it was small, miscommunications, forgetfulness of things that had previously been second nature. One instance it was a forgotten coffee that once was instantaneous, he made them together after all. Then the rushed mornings to the office leaving no time for 'goodbye's or 'see you later's. It was getting harder to come home and feel like it really is that, home.

Sooner rather than later it began getting bigger, that feeling of living with a stranger instead of a lover. I couldn't even catch his attention for more than a few minutes before he brushed by, seemingly busy with something else. I didn't even know who he was anymore or better yet I might as well not have known who this person to begin with.

Then the fights began. It ranged from leaving towels on a chair carelessly to anger at no physical relationship. His touch wasn't the same. No matter how heated a moment could be between us it always felt empty, cold. There was no feeling making these times no different than a one night stand. When we did succeed in making it through a round it ended with a stony silence, no acknowledgement from him at all.

I found myself questioning what was wrong? Did I do something? Was I not attractive? Was the heat gone because I didn't put enough effort in? I..It was always my fault.

He always came home late nowadays, our favorite pass times were no loner ours. Or at least I wasn't deserving of them, of him. I found myself look at my reflection and feeling my skin crawl at what I saw.

Flaw. Everywhere.

I tried to fix them, I tried to show him more love. I forgot myself, only focusing of him, because with him I was me and without him I was nothing.

My days got longer, my nights colder until I didn't even know where I was anymore. Either I was with him or nowhere at all, nonexistent. I stayed in doors, waited on him with clean house and open arms. Everything he needed I gave him. Yet the walls climbed higher between us.

On the day he got home from a long trip he treated me to dinner and a movie. He held my hand and whispered of sweet nothings. Finally, he was finally back. That evening instead of going home he insisted on a hotel room. I was ecstatic.

we sat at the table with coffee for each, quiet and comfortable.

His voice broke the silence and for a moment I didn't hear what he said, I'd been content listening to his voice regardless.

"I cant be with you anymore, I've met someone else." Finally I looked up, confused.

"What...?" The beverage in my hands felt like lead dragging me down, it felt scorching in my cold hands. I didn't even realize I'd be trembling as I put the cup down.

"I'm sorry. I intended to..I mean I was just waiting..for the right time, you know?"

He reached fro my hand but his touch felt disgusting, slimy when before it was only comforting. I couldn't feel anything, I felt hollow. I knew I should feel something this was huge, and I should feel...something.

I heard him sigh, as if he was doing something taxing, insignificant, "the room is payed for, take your time. My things have already been picked up so this is goodbye."

I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. He needed to leave. I needed him to leave! E moved towards the door, reaching to touch my shoulder but thought again and left. Just like nothing, just like I was nothing.

That had been three months ago. My friends had by then heard and though most had sympathy and kind words, others had words of reprimand. I should have seen my worth and left him. It was my fault I changed, my fault I stayed there. And on some level they were right. But right then and there all I could do was cry.

There were moments when I'd be ready to go out, live again. Yet something, anything could trigger memories of times in the past. Our past was everywhere around me, mocking me. Even he himself was there, with his new love proudly displayed the wounds I had were constantly reopened.

"I'm going to be fine, ill make it through this". These were words I said constantly. I knew with time I'd be okay, it may take some time and struggles I have never been face with but the pain would lessen. I would grow and find myself again.

Oh how I hurt, it was a constant battle to calm my heart and mind, remind myself that it was his loss and the more I changed the more I saw that to be true.

It still hurt and on those days that the pain threatened to drown me again, I lost myself in another person. It didn't always work but soon even that desire to fill his void left me. I knew it was getting better though there was still a long road ahead.

I felt I needed more; more space, more time, more life.

This led to a big move, my finally act of truly letting go, it may seem cowardly but I needed to be someone else and for that I needed somewhere new to be me.

Looking back I can see where I was and who I was with him, now I can stand to look forward eve through the slowing drying tears. They too would stop along with my pain. I wasn't 'them' anymore I was finally me.


End file.
